As most of you know now… we are having another boy!!! I used these photos to announce on Instagram that Porter was going to be a big brother and to share Chris’s hilarious reaction to the news. Needless to say we are very happy we are welcoming BB2 (Baby Boy #2) into the Renus tribe. I had gotten my test results from the OB office a few days prior and forwarded the email over to my girlfriend Ali who then ordered the appropriate confetti cannons for the occasion. Once she got them we were good to go for our little home reveal party! I invited my other gal pal Suruchi to help document the event so we could send pictures and video to out of town family and fortunately Chris’s mother had just moved down and was able to catch in on the fun. With a little twist and a big pop, the sky just flooded with blue- these little cannons really packed a punch!
But in truth, after the confetti settled and Chris went out with the shop vac to clean up, after I sat and went through the video and photos… I was scared to post them. I was apprehensive about sharing this news on social media because I was afraid what people were going to say. I had told only a few people up to this point and already gotten a few negative remarks on how close they would be in age like “Oh boy- Irish Twins?” or “Well how are you going to handle all that?” and I let those negative reactions get into my head.
Also, side note, can we PLEASE stop using the phrase Irish Twins? For those of you who do not know, the term ‘Irish Twins’ is typically used when siblings are born within 12 months (or less) than each other. The phrase originated back in the 1800’s and was used derogatorily when describing siblings from large, often poor, Irish immigrant families and it made inference that they needed to shape up and adopt contraceptive practices. But guess what y’all – a woman’s plan on when she decides to have children is literally none of your business and you implying that they need better contraceptive measures to prevent said pregnancy is offensive so please remove this one from your vocabulary.
Anyway- obviously these comments really struck a chord with me and I felt like they turned an otherwise happy and exciting announcement into something that was bad or wrong. I then also began to worry about how I would look professionally since I had just been on maternity leave and was planning to take my full maternity leave again, as is my legal right as an employee. Queue a little anxiety and some not so kind thoughts I was having toward myself for putting my family in “this situation”. When I wrote about my mood struggles in my post about baby number 2, this was definitely a contributing factor.
Luckily, I have some amazing friends and family members who were excited and beyond supportive of this news. I chose to amplify those voices in my life – and yes, it is a choice to decide whose words you allow to penetrate through. Was I going to listen to the naysayers or was I going to listen to and believe the people who I am surrounded by every day? Of course having another baby is going to be a challenge but guess what – it’s been done before! This is not new folks – and also guess what, they have survived and thrived.
As far as work was concerned, once I told my manager I was met with nothing but congratulations and well wishes. We immediately started planning out when my time off would be and looking to future plan my workload and responsibilities. This is how every single employer should react when their employee tells them they are expecting. A woman should not have to choose between a fulfilling, lustrous career (if that is what they want) and having a family. Period. If your first line manager or direct supervisor is expressing any negative or harmful reactions to your pregnancy you need to bring it up with HR immediately as that behavior is illegal.
The moral of the story here is this: every single child is a wonderful gift, regardless of when they come to us. I am so incredibly fortunate to be able to bear another child into this world and am so thankful that I get to have this experience again. No one should ever – EVER – make you feel otherwise. Granted, some of this was unintentional as I do believe not everyone is aware of the impact of the words they choose to use when reacting to my news. However, it is up to us, as much as them, to focus on the right parts.
Once I went through all the photos I picked my favorite one to have blown up and matted to hang in BB2’s room, similar to the one we have in Porter’s room that is filled with well wishes and notes to our expanding family. These are the moments I will cherish forever. These are the sentiments I chose to hold on to.
Catching Up With Chelsea 